So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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