we have officially lost it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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