I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
