her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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