there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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