when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
