Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
