Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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