There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
