My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
