at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
