Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
