I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
