hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
