Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
