Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
