im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
