I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
