i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
