apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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