The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
