Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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