apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
