in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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