SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
