I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
