I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
