don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't think brook has ever known best
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
