omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
