so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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