we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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