I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
