He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
