STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
