last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
