I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
