Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
