ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Even my vagina gasped.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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