Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
