Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
