I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
