ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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