it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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