I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
