i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
