Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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