i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
