hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
