Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
