Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
