Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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