You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
