do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
