My Higher Power is John Stamos
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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